Don't be DEPENDANT

1. Dependent people have difficulty making everyday decisions without advice and reassurance.

The key here is everyday decisions. If you’re going to going to make a major life change, of course you would talk over your decision and get opinions from family and friends. But a dependent personality faces everyday decisions from a position of hesitation and fear. The difficulty is the terror of being wrong.

2. They need others to assume responsibility for many major areas of life. 

Asking for help from another person in a major area of life is one thing. Expecting that other person to take over responsibility for you is another. People with dependent personalities give up control of major areas of life to another person out of fear. Life challenges can take on the dimensions of insurmountable difficulties and are, therefore, seemingly impossible to deal with alone. 

3. They have difficulty disagreeing with others out of fear. 

Have you ever seen that tongue-in-cheek sign that says, “Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, as long as it agrees with mine?” A dependent person has a variation on that sign: “I am entitled to my own opinion, as long as it agrees with yours.” A dependent person does not feel worthy to express or have an opinion that differs from someone else they feel they need.

4. They struggle to start projects or do things on their own. 

Dependent people fear exposure because it may cause others to realize how “worthless” they really are. They fear having failures and weaknesses on public display. One way dependent people avoid failure is to avoid taking the initiative. They don’t put themselves out in front of others by taking the initiative or promising results. If they believe they are doomed to fail at a task, they are not motivated to engage in that task; they are motivated to avoid it. 

5. They feel anxious or distressed when alone, or when thinking about being alone. 

Dependent people often expect the worst. They do not feel competent to live their own lives without others. Being alone means being unprotected and vulnerable. The thought of being alone to cope with whatever “worst” life throws at them is simply overwhelming. Dependent people wholeheartedly believe in Murphy’s Law: Anything that can go wrong will go wrong. 

6. They make themselves responsible when bad things happen.

Life happens; things happen. Sometimes those things are bad. Dependent people, who do not sufficiently love or trust themselves, are quick to assign themselves blame for those bad things, even if that judgment is unreasonable. They will commandeer the blame from events, circumstances, and even other people.