CONTROL YOURSELF

Before looking for ways to develop the fine art of self-control in our children, it may help to find a common definition for this character trait. When we say self-control we often mean the ability to be quiet or stop throwing a temper tantrum, but the more important aspect of self-control is self-mastery. 

One way to distinguish between these two terms is reflected in the timing involved. As referenced above, self-control tends to refer to a moment in which we should act in a proper or controlled manner. Self-mastery, on the other hand, refers more to spreading that control over an extended period, ideally a life time, during which one is working to make their total life meaningful and successful. In summary, the active use of self-mastery is the process or condition under which we handle all the things in life that are outside of our control. It’s the way we move ourselves forward in spite of motivations or conditions that push us in a backward direction.

Michael D. Pollack, in an article titled The Secret to a Happier, Healthier, More Prosperous Life, describes self-mastery this way:

“It’s the ability to set a course of action and keep moving forward no matter how hard it gets or how unmotivated you feel.  It’s the ability to recognize and overcome your negative habits, so that you can intentionally create the life you have imagined.”

The website Love or Above in an article titled Change Your Life with Self-Masteryexplains it this way:

“Self-mastery gives you control over the one thing you CAN control in any situation: yourself. It allows you to move toward your goals with discipline, persistence and focus. It helps you control emotional impulses and make decisions based on rational thinking instead of heightened emotions.”

Mind Tools, the website that supports the development of excellent career skills, outlines the importance of self-mastery this way:

“When you have developed self-mastery, you have the ability to control yourself in all situations, and you move forward consciously and steadily towards your goals. You know your purpose, and you have the self-discipline needed to do things in a deliberate, focused, and honorable way.”

So, both of these qualities – self-control and self-mastery – are very important to teach to our children. Self-control is the ability to think logically and to the point of being able to make choices consistent with our short-term well being (in the moment). Self-mastery is making the choices needed to achieve our long-range goals in spite of difficulties and push backs along the way (“over a life time”). Helping them understand the importance of getting past this moment of temptation or poor judgment is essential to their ability to look a longer range goals that will maximize the impact and benefits of the personal interests that they possess

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